Solving Relational Stress
and Building Relational Success



Relationships are hard work. They can be stressful. They also have the potential to bring us deep joy and satisfaction. But getting to that part is often a journey through hardship and stress. Who has not been knocked off balance by relational struggles? Who has not been surprised by the amount of pain that can come from relational wounds?

This book is about overcoming relational stress—surviving and thriving. As I read the manuscript, it occurred to me that in relationships, we often feel pounced upon in unsuspecting moments. These assaults can weigh heavily and destabilize us. Although we long for deliverance from the pain, our spirit has become vulnerable to the loss of hope. Even if we are to manage through the relational difficulties, many of us would like to register a complaint to God about the madness of relationships.

This book is a testament to the fact that it is possible to be resilient and thrive in our relationships. And this book will help you discover how. Gerry contends that all relationships get stuck in crazy cycles at times, and he uses three common stress roles to illustrate this: the rescuer, the victim, and the persecutor. The second and third sections of the book—the remedy—are where Gerry’s genius shines brightest. It is filled with thoughtful and enlightening material.

Gerry is a good storyteller. By weaving together the voices and anecdotes of his life with exercises, diagrams, and principl0es, he has created a book with something of value for everyone—whether in crisis or not. If you are interested in enhancing the strength and beauty of your relationships, this will help. His message is based on solid social science research without the technical jargon. It is written with sincerity and simplicity. Even the most career-driven individuals will be passionate about improving their personal relationships after reading this book.

I know Gerry well. He knows what he writes about from personal experience. He has survived and thrived. He has encountered relational challenges and endured with honor. He can even grin as he recounts some of the trials.

He also knows what he writes about from professional experience. He has walked many other people through their relational stressors, helping them come out the other side, not only as survivors, but also as thrivers. No wonder so many people invite Gerry into their lives. He can help you as well as you read this book.

I commend both the author and the book to you, knowing you will be relationally stronger as a result. Don’t just read the book, though. Take the questions seriously; reflect and put into action the useful tips and suggestions. If you do, you will be better equipped to encounter the relational challenges life throws at you. Your most important relationships are worth the investment. Not only will you survive, you will thrive.

Keith Tarry, MDiv
Friend and Colleague


What Are People Saying About This Book?

I wanted to say how much I've enjoyed your book! I appreciate all your examples and experiences. It gives your book the human factor.  Lori
Just finished reading it — awesome!  I love that its easy to follow, and sprinkled with enough interesting stories to keep the pages turning and prevent it from being just another dry psychology book!    Pam

I found your book to be one of the best of this 'genre' I have read.  Erin

It is so insightful and useful. I will be ordering many more for family and friends.  Diane

Awesome Book. Therese

I haven't been able to put it down! I'm halfway through it and enjoying every single page.  Leanne

This book is real and gives attainable advice and guidance. This gifted author's genuine, personal style is refreshing and encouraging. He gives the reader hope for success in their relational trials!  Amazon - Book Worm

By E Block - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition
I have read many psychological self-help style books, but not many provide the hands-on "this is how to do it" approach provided here. The pathway to change is outlined as a journey, not a quick fix, which means the reader must want to pursue a process, rather than a formula, to effect constructive change. For those who are able to assist others with changes, this book provides another set of useful tools to both evaluate symptomatic behaviours, as well as provides practical steps that can improve your intimate relationship skills.

Not knowing what to do has the same results as knowing what to do, and not doing it.
Not knowing what your options are is the same as shooting into the dark hoping to hit the mark anyway.
Insanity is, expecting different results while repeating the same thing over again.
Your heart doesn't want to be found out, but your behaviour inevitably provides clues to what your heart actually thinks. And once you can name it, you can change it!

Complex thought systems leads to the maze of behaviours so eloquently articulated in this book. Not only are you presented with the manifestations of the thought patterns behind these behaviours, but are also challenged with the "mirror" to examine your own behaviour. And understanding these things can lead to dramatic changes, if you are willing. Remember - nothing changes until you decide. The primary goal of this book is to encourage a constructive move away from the "insanity" cycle, and to provide insight into some of the barriers that we face in making those necessary changes that make relationships work well.



    Links and Resources
Producer and Owner of
Velvet Steel App
for Apple and Android devices
Director, Counsellor, Owner of
Riverbend Counselling & Wellness
Founder of
The Harbour
a weekly recovery group
Contact: Gerry Goertzen
Gerry's wife Dayle Goertzen is the owner and designer for the one-of-a-kind jewellry displayed on this website.